Positivity? BOOM! YES!

Due for a fresh breath of air? OMG me too….. Time to embrace some positivity and prepare for the best! 

The past week being “stuck” in isolation while being “forced” to homeschool our son has taught me some valuable lessons:

(*1*) PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING! Being STUCK at home versus staying SAFE at home. Being FORCED to educate your children versus having the PRIVILEGE of teaching them. Having NOTHING to do versus having the time to ENJOY THE SIMPLE PLEASURES….. Think about it. When have you had the chance to be home, with your children, without anywhere else to be except WITH THEM?

*PAUSE* If you’re thinking to yourself “Who does this chick think shes fooling with all her sunshine and rainbows BS? She can shove them you know where and ride whatever mary Poppins umbrella brought her here!” Ok ok, I recognize that this time in isolation has many extreme peaks and valleys. If you’re looking to relate with a down in the depths post that bathes in self pity….might I suggest my post below titled “Today is okay.” A post of being broken and depressed……Welcome to isolation…..Welcome to this seemingly endless emotional roller coaster…….I wonder what next week will bring?

ANYWAYS….Before I dive back into that hole of darkness, back to my lessons of positivity! 🙂

(*2*) While it may not be the most ideal way to SAVE THE PLANET, we are essentially doing just that. When will we ever be forced to abandon the use of our vehicles in exchange for the comfort of our homes? When will we be forced to make do with what we have at home, instead of going out to find something better? Like it or not, the current lack of emissions is doing our world some good!

(*3*) Well, so far that’s all I got…… but shouldn’t that be enough?

No? okay… YOU GOT IT!! SO (*4*) I stumbled across this photo/quote on Facebook, and really took it to heart; humour me and read it, what comes up for you?

Do you miss the days of rushing around, trying to meet all deadlines and schedules, keeping up with all recreational activities for all members of the family? Do you miss making dinner as fast as you can, just so everyone can go their separate ways? Do you miss having the week go by in a blink, without feeling like you’ve spent a single moment enjoying life?

Yah, me neither…….

Do this for me…. think about one of your better days in isolation (We all know days of depression, isolation, overwhelmed feelings and general disarray are commonplace in this current state of worldly confusion…..but put those aside for a moment.) Think about the moments of family time, the simple pleasures of being together and spending time just enjoying each others company. Zero rushing around. There’s time to make dinner together and enjoy as a family. You have the ability to sit back and enjoy the simple pleasures….. Wouldn’t you like moments like those to be a part of your everyday? Once social distancing is lifted: Wouldn’t you love casual get-togethers with friends to be a phone call away, without having to fit in around a busy schedule of-to-dos?

Yah, I TOTALLY do.

What if we take this crisis and turn it into a learning curve? What if we take this time to reflect on what REALLY matters? Think about what makes you happy to be alive; what makes your soul sing with gratitude?

I hope this post is more than just some inspirational BS to read… It would hurt my heart if we all fell back into the grind that we all know, but hate…… TAKE TIME for you. TAKE TIME for your family. TAKE TIME to enjoy this world and make it a better place to be.

Today is okay.

Today is okay. Yesterday was a different story…and the day before that, and even more so the day before that…….

Covid-19. Even typing it I feel anxious, emotional, uncertain….. What a wild world we are living in right now.

I really debated not sharing the thoughts and feelings that have been passing through me these past couple weeks, mostly because along with it comes so much guilt. Guilt of complaining. Guilt of feeling sorry for myself. Guilt of being healthy…… a certain friend sharing her own story of depression and guilt reminded me that it’s okay to feel this way. (thanks ❤️)

*sigh* Here goes:

SO. I’m a believer in the power of positive thought. Like “oh hey, this Coronavirus thing really seems to be picking up speed, oh well, I’m sure it will be fine.” But no. I never in a million years would have thought I would be typing up a blog from isolation due to this thing called Covid-19. First big realization, spring break is going to continue on for who knows how long. Then laid off…ok, well at least I don’t have to worry about daycare anymore. But still wondering…how much danger are we actually in? Will this thing get to the island? Yup, sure did! Then canceling our family trip to Europe hit me hard. I so badly wanted to explore the world with my newly married husband and our son. I wanted our son to experience actual REAL castles, go to soccer games that would blow his mind, stand on top of the Eiffle tower…..(Here we go again with that guilt) like WHY do I feel the need to cry ugly tears over something so trivial when the world has WAY bigger problems. Ugh, anyways. I was still holding onto the belief that “Maybe, just MAYBE our wedding will be okay, right???” *positive thoughts*  *positive thoughts*….. Yah….. not this time either. What will our wedding look like? who knows. but I am CERTAIN it will not look anything like what we were dreaming of…insert ugly tears with a side of guilt over materialistic things. BUT OH! not to mention finishing up school via web classes while still trying to maintain a level of academic excellence. Oh yes, and figuring out how a school-based practicum will look without a school to go into….. all the while my mind weighing heavy on some very heart-wrenching news within our family (not my story to tell…..❤️Sending love❤️) So yah…..sitting in my own puddle of misery all week seemed fitting. It also felt necessary to have all those emotions running through me, just sit with them, actually feel them, and to process them. Sometimes a good cry is just needed.

So I guess that brings us to now. A couple weeks of wallowing in isolation…. now what? When I woke up this morning I can’t tell you exactly what was different, just that I felt less sad. I felt a need to organize fun games and activities for Jesse for the following weeks. I wanted to ensure we had fun experiments to try, so I researched and made some lists! I wanted to make sure we had some fun food to make, and goodies to bake, so I made another list! Armed with my lists, I put on my hazmat suit and went to the grocery store. (ok, not that extreme but close). With a house full of food and confident that I maintained a safe isolation zone, I feel pretty okay.

During an online class today came a new development for my school-based practicum. It seems I can put together a portfolio of learning outcomes as experiences through footholds! I have spent most of the afternoon thinking about and reflecting on all the great kiddos I have worked with over the past year, and smile knowing that my time spent with them is going to help me complete my education. As I write this I notice it is 2 hours and 15 minutes away from when my son comes home (If you don’t know, he’s at his dad’s and we share custody.) On that note, another thing to be thankful for is that his other home is just as dedicated to isolation as we are.

Whew! what a load off. anyways, I hope that sharing my story with you has helped you in some way. My intention was to let you know you are not alone. we are all struggling. and we will all get through this.

Onward. Upward. Positive thoughts.

Another Year. Another Resolution….Or is it?

Another Year. Another resolution we are obliged to commit to.

What if, instead of committing to an obligation that you resent….. You commit to embracing the positive; seeing each moment for the opportunity that it can be, instead of the burden it is. Not every self improvement needs to be a struggle, it can be a simple choice to change ones perspective.

Life is funny, we stumble through with whatever devices we are given, and hope for a desirable outcome. We get swept up in the busy-ness of it all, worry about expectations, and often lose sight of what is important to us. For 2020, I submit to you the challenge of being more self-aware, and to be in the moment. To make choices based on personal desires, instead of what is expected of you.

The past year has taught me to appreciate the health of those you love; for at any moment, their health can come to a crashing halt. This year our family has lost a few members, our family has feared for the health of a few as well….. My own son suffered through what started as a standard stitches procedure, but quickly became what appeared to be a life-threatening situation…. Cancer touched the lives of friends and family; some defeated their illness, others rest in peace….. And I could have chosen to feel defeat, to be suffocated by loss, or the potential of loss…. However, I have learnt to appreciate what we DO have. We have quality healthcare available to us, and because of that, many have overcome even the scariest of illnesses. Those who have passed will forever live in our hearts; and through our memories, will never be lost. We have little to complain about.

I would also like to recognize my appreciation for the current state of my life. I have the ability to work, while attending school. Even though school and work at the same time is enough to drive me crazy; I am able to set aside the crazy, and work my butt off to achieve good grades. I am thankful for my internal drive as it will help me to achieve my academic and career goals. I have endless gratitude to my fiance that supports me through the chaos of it all. Life is balanced, and life is good.

I am thankful for our son. For his positive nature, for his ability to make us laugh, and for the peaceful happy being that he is. Often he brings me down from chaos, and into his world of play and laughter. I am thankful for his father (my ex), and his step-mother; they support the wonderful person that our son is, and don’t fight us on issues that affect him. All too often people let their own agendas cloud their judgement, and put themselves first, instead of their children……But I am so happy that we are all able to work together for the benefit of our son. It may not be the norm of society, but it should be.

I am thankful for our friends and family. For get togethers filled with fun times, laughter, and of love. Whether our get togethers are often, or few in-between, we love you just the same.

I am thankful for the ability and opportunity to speak my mind in blog posts such as this, and I hope that I am able to inspire others. I hope to inspire people to live in the moment, to be self-aware, and to embrace the many adventures that life may throw your way.

Happy 2020 ♥♥♥♥

Life.

Life is fragile, a delicate thing as we never know when our time to be taken from this world will arrive. In an instance and without warning, our world can be turned on its head… leaving behind family and friends in a whirlwind of emotion, heads full of questions; and a bucketlist left un-fulfilled.

I’m not a religious person, but I do appreciate religion and the strength it offers. I have faith and beliefs, but find it difficult to explain as all beliefs are a complex thing…. What I can say though, is that I do believe in Heaven and that the good people of the world will get to be experience it. Death is not the end, but the beginning of something beautiful. All of us have the chance to right the wrongs of our lives, and be at peace when our day does come.

With that, I bring to you my reason for this post. My Uncle Bernie…died on June 18th 2019. He lived the last year of his life with Cancer; Tragic yes, but in a way he was also given a gift. He had a year to fully appreciate all the things in life that mattered most. The heads up to connect with loved ones on a new level. Warning that his body would soon let him down, and with that the foresight to enjoy every day and not waste time on the trivial crap.
I was supposed to fly out this weekend to visit with him, spend time at the lake with the animated person that I know him to be; but life had other plans….instead, I went to his funeral. Part of me feels angry and ripped off for not having that last moment with him..a last laugh..a last hug… But my less-selfish side reminds me to be happy for him. Happy he is in peace now and no longer in pain. Happy that he looking down on all of us and smiling from the love he knows we all feel.
He was the kind of man that we all aspire to be; a genuine man, an honest man, loved his family with his whole being and sharing his smile and warmth will all people he came across. Generous beyond the comprehension of most, but never asked anything in return.
I can hear his voice when I close my eyes, and will never forget that laugh…his smile…and those squinty eyes when he smiled(a trait we all seem to share 😜❤)
It hurts to know that funerals are a big reason/opportunity to reconnect with distant family… But with seeing all my family I leave with a full heart and a desire to stay in touch. I regret not having been closer with all of you(I guess a coupke provences between will do that!) but am happy we had a chance to re-connect. I love you all ❤

Every moment of life brings us experience and clarity…. Today I was reminded how important everyday is; cherish your loved ones and be sure to tell them. Do the things you love. Live everyday like its your last, because you never know if it will actually be.
RIP Uncle Bernie. I love you.

Not all days are good days

I woke up this morning, like the sun was gone; a feeling like the world was crumbling down. Not because of any horrific news or life-changing event, just a bad day. I’m sure you know the kind…. No explanation, irrational… Like seriously, why the F* has the laundry not done ITSELF?! ya ya, ok… maybe not quite that irrational, but ya… it was bad enough to conjure up these type of thoughts….

I feel the need to share this with you mostly because rarely do we let our walls down to admit a day of defeat. We all have this ability to paint a picture of everything is great, we’re fine! All. The. Time. Have you met… Social media? It’s changed our perception of what day to day reality actually looks like. Bombarded with constant posts of good times and photos highlighting everyone’s achievements; It’s cultivated this vision of us being these majestic creatures that lead lives of carefree bliss. Our families are perfect, everyone’s needs are met, smiles are abundant and every moment is lived with intention.

But Sometimes….Reality can be far from. Some days are a mess right from the moment you open your eyes; We all have our internal demons, uphill battles of all varieties. Today was one of those days for me. A disaster from the start, nothing goes right, Hormone driven messy kinda day….

…..But let me tell you what went right.

I spent today with my 2 favourite people. One; My son who is a driving force of positive energy, always smiling and always finding ways to make everyone laugh (even though….my deep level of irritability was tested many times this morning…) Two; My Hubby-to-be that seems to know me better than I know myself at times…. Gave me space to be the fire breathing dragon I became this morning… yet still understood I simply needed hugs and patience to get through the day.

Even though my desire was to stay glued to the couch today at all costs…Instead, we went to the fair. My son asked to go enough times that I figured “Why not? atleast his excitement and smiles will brighten the day.” ……And wouldn’t you know it, a turn battling in the Bumper cars, getting squished on the scrambler, watching my boys on a ride that reached higher than the sun….and lastly a turn in the spinning dogs that left the Carnie impressed with our performance…… my day began to turn. Afterwards, was an afternoon of getting our hands dirty in the garden, planting some flowers, blueberry bushes and strawberry plants. Therapeutic……. Our backyard, a thing of beauty. The day topped off with a date night-in watching one of our favourite shows together…. today wasn’t so bad after all.

Never am I thankful to be greeted by one of those defeated kinda days… But I do remind myself that I always have something to be thankful for; and always will I focus on that, and the fact that every day can be beautiful.

Even when life gets you down, keep your chin up. Focus on the good, and every little thing will be alright! XO

Mom of the Year

Who? …Who is this mom of the year you speak of? When words like that get tossed around, it can really throw a person off balance!

Wait, me? You must be mistaken; ..?

When we talk about ‘Mom of the year’….. I envision this godly figure that traverses this landscape of motherhood like a cloud rolls across the sky; every action with intention, as if controlled by a being greater than us all. Mom of the year clearly has the perfect home, makes a home cooked meal everyday, is never drained, is intuitive to her childrens every need, never loses her cool, is confident and fulfilled in her own life, and is most obviously, simply…. flawless. So basically, Supermom… and then some.

“Yup. You totally win mom of the year!” (There you go again; why is something so simple defining me as this mom that is doing everything right?) “If there’s anything I can instill into my children, besides being kind and having good morals, it’s to enjoy good music.” (But all we did was take him to an Aaron Pritchett concert, and soon a Paul McCartney concert…..)

It never really occurred to me… but our drive to introduce our son to good music, is so much more than “just” listening to good music! We laugh and sing our way through making dinner, average days are made better by living room dance parties, He falls asleep to the Beatles every night…..and simply adores it. He can sing along to most Beatles songs, and knows more lyrics than I do! A simple pleasure, but is that not what life’s about? Enjoying the ride, stopping and taking in a moment…. Dancing like no ones watching, and Singing like no ones listening! When days get tough, and I need a pick me up… Music. Every time. I turn on those happy sounds, groove to the rhythm, and suddenly life is good again. Not only are we listening to music together, but building up his tools to use later in life when he finds his day needs a pick-me-up.

So there you have it, Supermoms… It’s not about finding perfection, its about finding the simple pleasures in life that will benefit our children for the rest of their lives. Be kind to yourselves; No one can be perfect, but chances are someone in your life thinks you’re mom-of-the-year quality.

P.S. You know who you are; and for that, I thank you 🙂 Not just for the compliment, but for the inspiration.

Meaning of life

The meaning of life….Have you ever truly thought about it? What is this… What’s it all about anyways? Why are we here…..What IS the meaning of life?”

These are questions, I’m told, that my dad asked all the time. I can’t say I recall hearing him say it; but that’s probably because I was 12 when he passed away….So many conversations…… left un-touched. How I wish we could speak now, as adults…oh the depths our conversation could reach!

But alas, I am left to ponder…This meaning of life. I bet no-one imagines it to be a Ratrace of trying to keep up. Insecurities of not having enough, or being enough…Floating around mindlessly…lost.

Why do we insist on stressing ourselves out, over-scheduling….overdo-ing…. Can’t stop because we gotta million things to do!!

Stop. just STOP already! and think….. what should the meaning of YOUR life be? With that in mind, I want to share a quote with you by Simon Sinek from his ‘Start with Why?’:

“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress; working hard for something we love is called passion”…

Your Passion……….

Do you dream of making the world a better place? Do you dream of helping others? Of Raising Children, that will contribute great things to the world? Taking care of yourself, and teaching others how to follow suit; be it physical, or mental health…

How about dreams of exploring the World? Of learning about new cultures; engaging with new people to gain fresh insight. Passing on this knowledge to those you love.

Maybe meaning to your life means building a successful business; making a name for yourself; offering your passion to the world. Perhaps your mission is to encourage others to be entrepreneurs of their own lives, helping to show the world what they can offer.

Whatever brings meaning to your life..live it!! Live it to the best you can be!! You don’t get another chance, life is no Nintendo game!!

(If u got the lyrical reference… Love to you!! ❤ )

Anyways…

So…

Dad…The meaning of life you ask? I think its all in the eyes of the beholder…..

One day we will meet again, and on that day, Lets pickup these thoughts, and discuss.

Forever in my heart ❤ RIP dad.

Letter to my son.

(and maybe one day, I will even let him read it! hah :p )

 

My Dearest Boy,

Today is the beginning of grade 1. No longer just a baby in Kinder, but a boy ready to take on the world.

Such a beautiful tender age; you love me with your whole being, my biggest fan. But too soon will be the days you’re ‘too cool’ for mom… No matter the stage of life, you will forever be the sunshine to my day. As you find your way and introduce yourself to the world, they too will smile.

My Brilliant boy,

I’m proud of all that you do. It may just seem like simple numbers and letters these days, but one day you will move mountains with that mind. My smart boy, oh such brilliance… One day, surely you will be smarter than I.

I do admire your drive to enforce whats right; Even if it means getting in trouble with the teacher… Sorry I have to side with her…One day you’ll understand. I am proud, that moral compass will guide you through life

My sweetest boy,

Your very soul is tender, and kind. Your heart aches too for those who hurt; and for that reason, I know you will be the change in their world. A light in every day.

How did you get so big? I remember the days of rocking you to sleep… Holding you until your fears disappeared….kissing your tears away.

Oh my handsome boy…

I watch you grow and the only thing I can think is how proud I am. Of the boy you are, and the man that you will become.

 

XO Forever love, Mom

It’s time to get serious, about bread.

Before I Begin telling you of my adventures in Sourdough, let me tell you a little story about the history of bread. As long as man has existed, so too has bread; ok, maybe that statement is a bit of a stretch, but known existence of bread dates back to years ending in BC….so…yah, it’s been a while… Anyways, from that point up until the late 19th century, bread was simple. The grain was collected and ground down with grinding stones; Once ground down to flour, ‘real’ bread was made. What do I mean by Real you ask? I mean Flour and Water…A pinch of Salt. and that’s IT! ………I know right? its fascinating that with those ingredients, and those ingredients ONLY, you can create something amazingly delicious that has enough nutrition to live off.

Sorry getting sidetracked, back to the story… In the late 19th century we started commercially producing bread; we removed the bran and the germ, and sold this new fluffy white delicious bread. Soon after white bread was discovered though, the world found itself in a health crisis, and had no idea why! a few scientific discoveries later… We realized that this white flour, that could last indefinitely, was also completely void of all vitamins. By removing the bran and germ, we just removed all health benefits of bread.

With this discovery, we entered the vitamin boom. Everyone advertised to let the world know that the addition of vitamins made their product healthy! Even Schlitz beer jumped on; their slogan was “Beer is good for you – but SCHLITZ Vitamin-D beer is extra good for you.” ……..Vitamin doughnuts? oh yes, it happened.

Enter wonder bread. “Instead of fixing the problem, they now sold the problem, and the solution, in one neat little package.” (anyone else enraged by this so-called ‘healthy’ solution to food?!?!?!! ) This quote on wonder bread is courtesy of Michael Pollen; Thank you to him for the documentaries ‘Cooked’ and ‘In defense of food’. You have opened my eyes to whats wrong with modern day food; but now…..I feel this overwhelming drive to feed my family food that is actually GOOD for them…..And so begins my adventures in Sourdough.

Day 1; Mix flour and Water….. Tell Jesse we will now have to feed it. Did this concern him? perhaps…. Did we tell him it will eat the fingers of bad children? maybe….. Are we evil? probably.

Day 2: no activity….damn you….

Day 3: Watching in anticipation…

Day 4: ITS ALIVE!!!!

Day 5: …..Maybe?

Day 6:…….wtf… are you dying??!!!

Day 7…is that mold?

*sigh* Starting over, CONVINCED that my ONLY problem was temperature. Turn the temperature up in my sons bedroom so I have a desirable storage space for this new burden on my life (not like my sons gonna overheat in his usual undies-only-jammy-ensemble) Starter #2 begins.

After another week of scheduled feedings, occasional activity, constant worry and countless nights spent reading every possible online article I can find…….. I put my newest means of stress into the fridge, in hopes to re-group and make bread later.

At this moment, I invite you to revisit the picture at the top of the page; Does any part of you believe that I ACTUALLY pulled those loaves from MY oven? yeahhhh….I wish I could say I did. But a visit to Cobs bread, and $11 dollars on 2 loaves of the best Sourdough I’ve ever had….I realize…..Life will be much simpler if I just buy the bread. Once upon a time I had convinced myself that bread from Cobs was too expensive, and I could save myself money and…time? HAH!! the $11 for amazing bread is now worth all the time in the world. Worth every penny.

Thank you Cobs Bread. Every bit of effort you put in so I can stop stressing over this disaster I call sourdough starter, and still feed my family the best food possible… Is everything to me.

Love Your Life

love my life

Hello There, and Welcome back to my blog! Before I continue with my usual ramblings, I want you to take a moment and read that quote again…. Let it sink in for a moment……

Now…the Truthful answer, Do you love it? I realize loving every single moment is impossible; bumps and bruises are inevitable. But as a general rule, is your life one that you love living? Be sure to ignore the pressures of what everyone else thinks, and set aside all subtle hints of guilt……… “Set aside the guilt?” Let me explain. I recently had a conversation with a friend where she admitted to me “we go out for dinner regularly, as we are DINKS(double income, no kids)…why do I feel guilty?” Whereas I later followed up with ” I never have a chance to get tired of being around my son; I share custody with him 50/50, so I embrace and love every moment with him…..why do I feel guilty when friends complain about their children tiring them out?”

I have to admit, I have struggled for quite some time with the decision to post this blog…Why does loving my life feel like a guilty pleasure? Proof that this post is not somekind of self-assuring, ego-boosting blog, let me tell you what I love most about my life, and why you too can love every minute of yours:

Simple mornings, big family breakfasts. Waking up to coffee made for me. Playing soccer in the backyard. My son, Jesse, asking to help make dinner; which is usually a bbq item that we cook while playing in the backyard. The fact that these things can be enjoyed on a work/school night. Experiencing the world through my sons eyes, teaching him about the world around him. Quiet evenings; picnics or a bottle of wine while watching the sunset. Curling up with a good book. Discovering Jesses love for sports, and cheering on our favourite teams as an evening wind down before bed. Family games nights. Good food; Making good food together as a family….you know, all those ‘little’ things……

Funny how we are all so hesitant to share the positives in our lives, for fear that we will be viewed as arrogant and self-centered… WHAT IF, instead, we shared when life was going well, and everyone else shared in that glory; all the while sharing with you their triumphs, as you build them up in return. My wish is for a world where we don’t have to apologize when our life is going well; We should feel proud to have built a life we love, because its not an easy task!

But wait…”What if..” You ask, if your immediate answer to the quote above was not a solid yes? That’s ok too! Life is a series of ups and downs; The key is to always be striving for the up. How can you improve your life? What do you need to be happy? Who do you need in your life to surround you with love? How can you lower stress in your life? What are the little things that make your day?(If you havn’t heard….I’m all about the little things… ;p ❤ ) We all deserve to love our lives, and making all the changes to ensure that happens, is well worth the effort.

Previous Older Entries